


can you make it feel like home, if i tell you you're mine?

by insomniaaa



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous Relationships, Gen, M/M, Mental Instability, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use, jisung just wants to kiss his bros but they're dumb gay cowards, mostly just vaguely indicated but keep that in mind [finger guns], there's also some getting drunk mentioned in passing, they're all kinda ~sad~ in their own ways largely bc ##projection :/, weed it's fucking weed so rated teen for that n the swearing ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 06:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19329244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniaaa/pseuds/insomniaaa
Summary: Changbin and Jisung pulled him into their whirlwind so quickly, like they were their own miniature planet of two people, and Hyunjin was just a small piece of space junk, maybe a dying star, too weak and too unwilling to resist their gravity.or the one where jo was mostly just trying to practice imagery and ~feelings~ but ended up with 6k+ of hyunbinsung slowly and a little angstily falling in love without ever Fully Admitting It :/





	can you make it feel like home, if i tell you you're mine?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [springup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/springup/gifts).



> just a terrible [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/u80ou88pqk1srf1vnbvrylv6q/playlist/7ffalm6CbnOzvUSkmYxIsu?si=3Lo6p7fnTtup6tdfLO7dNg) that i slowly pulled together in the process of writing this (includes born to die by lana del rey which is what the title is taken from <3)

**_To: Terrible (Dumb) Gays_ **

**_jin:_ ** _anyone awake (3:43)_

He lets his phone drop back onto his mattress, narrowly missing the side of his face. He’s not even sure if he expects either of them to reply. He actually hopes they’re not awake for their sake.

His phone buzzes from where it fell against his inhaler two minutes into staring at the flickering light falling across his ceiling from the street lamps outside though, the sound reverberating more hollowly than usual. He’s used to hollowness though. It’s okay.

It takes a solid fifteen seconds to force himself to move his arm and pick it up. 

 **_sungie <3:_ ** _yeah :/ changbin’s out though (3:45)_ _  
_**_sungie <3: _ ** _the fuck are you doing still awake (3:45)_  

 **_jin:_ ** _hypocrite ????? (3:46)_

 

 **_sungie <3: _ ** _mwah (3:46)_

A soft smile that he can’t help dances across Hyunjin’s face. It pushes down the gnawing feeling he’s had since he parted from Jisung and Changbin after school. Since Changbin let go of his hand and Jisung bounced away with a bright smile after kissing him on the cheek. He hates that corner by the 24 hour convenience store with the broken neon lights outside. Their apartment buildings are only about a block apart, and that damn store is what separates them right in the middle.

He hates it on the way home from school. He only loves it when he bothers Minho for half his shift some nights or when it’s where he meets up with Jisung and Changbin instead of leaving. 

 **_jin:_ ** _okay lover (3:46)  
_ ** _jin:_ ** _**LOSER FUCK (3:46)_

 **_sungie <3:_ ** _learn to type, lover (3:47)_

 **_jin:_ ** _fuck off (3:47)_

A wave of warmth washes over him though (to accompany his blushing over the typo) when he reads that, even though Jisung is just teasing him. There’s an uncomfortable, vaguely familiar ache in his chest too, that he decides not to overanalyze. 

 **_jin:_ ** _wait how do you know about changbin (3:46)_ _  
_**_jin:_ ** _are you at binnie’s again (3:47)_

 **_sungie <3: _ ** _hhh yeah :/ things were.. (3:48)_ _  
_**_sungie <3: _ ** _shitty at my parents’ so i came here a few hours ago (3:48)_

 **_jin:_ ** _i’m sorry baby (3:48)_  

 **_sungie <3: _ ** _nah it’s cool :( <3 (3:48)  
_ **_sungie <3: _ ** _anyways what’s up (3:48)_

 **_jin:_ ** _uh (3:49)_  

Hyunjin’s head clouds again suddenly. He doesn’t like bothering people, but his headspace has just been getting worse and worse. If he spirals and does something dumb, they’ll eventually find out and be sad that he didn’t reach out.

Still though. 

He grips his cat plushie tighter and lets out a deep breath against the fabric. He stares at his phone, almost considering just shutting it off and going back to staring at the shadows dancing across his ceiling. Jisung will get worried though. Extremely worried. And that _will_ bother him.

The little typing dots keep coming up and disappearing again, reminding him that Jisung is in fact still there, and probably overthinking his reply, torn between reaching out and letting Hyunjin reply himself.

 **_sungie <3: _ ** _are you not feeling good (3:52)_ **_  
_** **_sungie <3: _ ** _do you wanna meet up (3:52)_  

 **_jin:_ ** _god ji it’s 4am don’t worry about it (3:52)_

 **_sungie <3: _ ** :( (3:52)  
 **_sungie <3: _ ** _it’s not like i’m sleeping either lmao (3:53)  
_ **_sungie <3: _ **meet me at the corner store in ten (3:53) 

 **_jin:_ ** _:/ (3:53)_  
 **_jin:_ ** _okay (3:54)  
_ ** _jin:_ ** _try not to wake bin up (3:54)_

He drags himself to his feet. (He can’t sleep but he’s still exhausted.) He puts on his shoes, grabs his things, and pulls on a hoodie as he crawls out of his window into the night chill as quietly as possible, stepping lightly down the fire escape. His mom has work in a few hours. His dad has work too but Hyunjin’s less concerned with his sleep and more concerned with the yelling he’ll get if he’s caught by him.

He scares a cat out of the dumpster when he jumps off the last landing, droplets of water soaking into his sweats from the shallow puddle he only half avoided. It stormed for a couple hours (probably less). The sky is still cloudy, moonlight barely filtering through, with the occasional flash of light breaking across. The air is crisp, not the sticky feeling you get after rain during the summer. This is cleaner.

 

•••••

 

Minho looks up only to sigh when Hyunjin shuffles in, the little bell at the door tinkling irritatingly. “Hey, asshole.” His eyes soften. “Can’t sleep?”

Hyunjin tried to dry the bottom of his shoes after the damn puddle, but the sidewalk is still too damp for any of that and he almost falls on his ass, his wet soles sliding against the slick linoleum. Minho laughs at him as he catches himself on the counter. “That’s what you get. I’m gonna have to clean the floor now.”

“As if the floor isn’t already wet and dirty from other customers.”

“From _actual_ customers, you mean?” Minho raises his eyebrow, shakes his head and blows upwards, though it does nothing to get the messy hair out of his eyes.

“I buy shit!” Hyunjin complains, and he complains because it’s true. “I’ll get some snacks for Jisung for good measure, okay?”

“No Changbin tonight? They were in here together a few hours ago.”

“Oh. Yeah, Ji is at Changbin’s, but he said Binnie’s passed out. Told me to meet him here though.”

Minho snorts and rings up his granola bars and two baggies of candy. “Yeah, right. If they’re already together, then Changbin’s coming too.”

“Shush,” Hyunjin whines, because he’s been stressing about that since Jisung told him to meet up. Changbin usually sleeps pretty well, but Jisung has never, not once, snuck in or out of his room without waking him up. He’s hyper attentive even in his sleep and it’s infuriating. “I’m holding out hope that Jisung has gotten quieter.”

“Right.”

Hyunjin hops up on the counter and opens the sour worms. They’re silent for a little bit, Hyunjin letting Minho take some of the candy. It’d be a peace offering for being in here so many nights if they needed one. As much as Minho rags on him for it, he likes not being alone at night all the time and he’s said as much.

“Do you think I bother them?” Hyunjin asks suddenly. He doesn’t mean to, but Minho’s always been weirdly easy to talk to and the words always tumble out. He’s a good listener.

“What?” They’ve had this conversation before, Minho must know what he’s talking about, but he looks surprised.

“Do you think I’m a bother to Jisung and Changbin?” Hyunjin tries to keep his voice a little upbeat, so he sounds less stressed about it than he feels.

“Jesus, no.”

“Yeah?" 

“Yeah.” Minho nods.

“Sometimes I just feel weird, because they’ve known each other since fucking pre-school, and I’ve just been around since junior year. And it’s not that they ever act like it, they don’t make me feel left out, I just… feel invasive. Especially on nights like these.”

“On nights like these where Jisung himself tells you he wants to meet up? Where Changbin will probably show up too, or else kick both of your asses in the morning? They love you, Hyunjin.” He sticks a gummy worm into Hyunjin’s mouth when he tries to protest. “I don’t care how y’all define your relationship, and I don’t care how exactly they love you. All I know is that it’s not just an empty love. They actively love you. Don’t let that shit go or believe you don’t deserve it, you dumbass.”

“Okay.”

The bell jingles again, and this time it grates on his nerves a little less because it’s Jisung. Jisung with Changbin on his back, face sleepily hidden against Jisung’s neck, because Minho was right, and it’s hard to get one without the other.

“Careful, don’t slip,” Minho says before Jisung can step into the store, and Jisung almost falls simply because he’s Jisung and he stops too suddenly, Changbin’s extra weight throwing him off.

“So you tell him to be careful but you tell me nothing?”

Minho shrugs. “It’s Jisung, he’s clumsy enough already.”

“Where the hell is the carpet that’s usually here?” Jisung asks as Changbin gets on his own feet and they both walk in a little more carefully, Jisung still grabbing Changbin’s arm suddenly because he really is clumsy enough.

“Storm blew the door open earlier and soaked it.” Minho nods at the _Caution: Wet_ sign taped to the door. “It’s not my fault none of you can read.”

“I thought you were sleeping, Bin,” Hyunjin groans.

“I would’ve kicked your asses if Jisung got out quietly. ‘Try not to wake Bin up,’ yeah, right.”

“See.” Minho’s always so fucking right. “Now take care of your sad boyfriend before _I_ kick your asses.”

Nobody corrects him. Correcting Minho got old quickly.

  
•••••

 

Jisung jumps on Hyunjin’s back as soon as they step outside and he trips in surprise, laughing as Changbin grabs his arm and doesn’t let go. They walk the few blocks to the small park like that.

When they get there, Jisung stumbles off his back and races a very reluctant Changbin to the skatepark from the sidewalk. Hyunjin follows them across the wet grass, slower, less energetic, but smiling a little as Changbin grabs Jisung’s sweater paw to pull him back and vault over the fence more gracefully than Jisung does two seconds later, falling into Changbin, giggling against his shoulder. Changbin’s arms are wrapped around his waist (he always seems to do it without thinking, instinctively) and he kisses Jisung’s ear. 

Hyunjin remembers finally working up the nerve to ask them if they were dating seven weeks after they met and they’d just laughed. (It was ironic because they’d been wrapped around each other on Changbin’s couch while Hyunjin _tried_ to quiz them for their biology test, legs entangled and indistinguishable if they hadn’t been wearing contrasting sweatpants.) His face had gotten hot, embarrassed because the words burst out of his mouth very bluntly and unexpectedly in between two flashcards, and they told him not to worry, that they got the question a lot. Jisung grabbed his hand and smiled his bright smile when he apologized again, blatantly telling him that he was even cuter when he blushed. (He only blushed more but that was probably all in Jisung’s plan.)

Everyone seems to assume that Changbin is the straightforward one, the vigorously fervent one, but he’s really much more gentle and nervous when you’re not bumping into Jisung in the school hallways. Jisung on the other hand, is incredibly straightforward and blunt, which is nice at times but is distressing at others. He can be a lot less bubbly than he comes across sometimes. He can be hard and gets angry easily, goes on the defensive, especially when it comes to Changbin.

A week into knowing them, Hyunjin accidentally bruised Changbin’s arm when Changbin surprised him from behind and Hyunjin elbowed him while spinning around. Changbin laughed it off as soon as a steady flow of horrified apologies fell out from behind the hand covering Hyunjin’s mouth, told him that he understood and he shouldn’t have been so sudden. Jisung, though, ignored him until week two of knowing him, because Changbin finally got through to him with a few tickles to the ribs and one featherlight kiss to his neck while they were standing outside, waiting for the bus in the rain, which sent Jisung shrinking away with a giggle. He’d given Hyunjin a grumpy side eye, but paired with a half smile. “I guess you’re fine, since Binnie insists he’s okay. Just don’t do it again.” He bumped his shoulder lightly against Hyunjin’s.

Jisung even awkwardly apologized for the week of silence nine weeks into knowing each other, a little reluctantly and Hyunjin still wonders if Changbin put him up to it, at least took part in convincing him.

How exactly he met them, is a foggier memory because they pulled him into their whirlwind so quickly, like they were their own miniature planet of two people, and Hyunjin was just a small piece of space junk, maybe a dying star, too weak and too unwilling to resist their gravity.

He thinks it involved him running into them smoking a joint on the steps of the school’s empty indoor swimming pool (school funds had been too low that semester) and them passive-aggressively telling him not to rat them out. He’d probably gone there to fucking cry during lunch break because he hated it there and he felt so alone and he just wanted to go back home, back to his old school, back to Felix (he definitely remembers missing Felix); he was so drained that he just stared at them for an empty second before blankly dropping down onto the step next to Changbin, long legs going a step past Changbin and Jisung’s intertwined shoes. He looked like shit because Changbin said something about his eyes somehow looking more puffy and red than Jisung’s were from the weed, and he thinks they took pity on him because the thought of them having an immediate connection is a little ludicrous.

He mostly ignored them for the first few minutes, more focused on not coughing his dumb little bitch lungs out after the drag Changbin offered him because he was so stressed he’d left his inhaler in his locker. He remembers Jisung somehow knowing his name when they first met and Changbin rolling his eyes, almost protectively running his fingers through Jisung’s hair. “Oh, he’s been very irrationally angry since you first got here because he thinks you’re hot.” Hyunjin really did choke at that, but it was on his own spit. “But ignore him, he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions properly.”

They didn’t ask him questions about why he had dried tear stains on his cheeks though, and he appreciated that, because it’s not something he wanted to get into yet. Changbin just gently held his face to give him some eye drops to lessen the redness after doing the same to Jisung. They sprayed him in some deodorant that made his head ache a little, and they left together in time for their next classes. It’d somehow been more refreshing than crying alone.

And they didn’t really get into any of that until week nineteen, when Hyunjin showed up on Changbin’s doormat, drunk, rain soaked, and sobbing for real because Felix had suddenly asked him if he was okay with him asking Seungmin out in the middle of a video call. And Hyunjin had said yes. Of course he’d said yes. He’d been the one too scared to try a long distance relationship. He’d been the one to let Felix go and he had no right to cling to him anymore. Besides, they’d been thinking of asking Min to date them both before Hyunjin got smacked in the face with moving. He wasn’t _angry_ , he understood. It just hurt because he suddenly remembered how much he missed Felix and Seungmin all over again. It just fucking hurt.

Jisung was there (Hyunjin quickly realized he was there a lot), and they somehow awkwardly pulled him past Changbin’s mom in the living room, who graciously feigned ignorance, and into Changbin’s room. They’d gotten him out of his wet clothes because he was shaking both from the pain and tears and the chill, and into a pair of Changbin’s sweatpants that were comically short on him, and an oversized hoodie. Jisung dried his hair gently with his towel, while Changbin brought him some of the cookies they’d been baking for no reason, a little burnt but still warm. 

It’d ended with both of them cuddling with him on the bed, and them waking up at eleven the next morning, a little closer than they’d been, both physically and emotionally.

That was the week Hyunjin lost track of counting too. Maybe he’d been holding his breath for nineteen weeks. Maybe just shallowly breathing since week seven or so. Maybe he finally fully breathed out and relaxed.

 

•••••

 

“Jinnie, stop standing there like a little moron and come sit with us,” Jisung whisper-yells. They’re sitting on the ramp under the broken lamp, so they’ll be less blatantly visible if any night patrol comes by.

Hyunjin blinks hard, pulling himself back to the present. He scrambles up to sit on the other side of Jisung. Changbin is teasing him with a gummy worm four centimeters from his mouth, even though Hyunjin can’t remember when exactly they stole the bag from him.

They just sit there for a long time, laughing about dumb shit, eating the snacks Hyunjin bought, and okay with the silences that fall too. There’s a distant roll of thunder once in a while, and Changbin gently finds his hand behind Jisung’s back. They don’t talk about whether it’s for Changbin or Hyunjin’s sake. Jisung has his head leaning against Hyunjin’s shoulder and his leg hooked over Changbin’s. It’s comfortable. Sure, his ass starts to hurt from the cold concrete, and his fingernails are probably blue but it feels _comfortable_.

Hyunjin can see the playground across the park from on top of the ramp. He’s glad they didn’t go there tonight. Just seeing it makes him feel weird. Sitting on the slide or in the highest castle tower or on top of the monkey bars would be too unsettling right now. He didn’t grow up playing on that specific playground, didn’t even live here, but there’s something strange about playgrounds at night. Liminal space and all that. Maybe it’s something universal. There’s a loss of innocence, happiness, in the dark shadows under the slides and the swing chains clanging in the wind. He remembers being really happy when he was nine. Chasing Jeongin across the grass, who’d try to convince him that he could do the monkey bars faster than him. And he probably could. Memories get blurry.

Eventually, Jeongin left, and Hyunjin migrated to the skatepark. He didn’t know how to skateboard, but he met Felix in middle school, and Felix did. Felix always told him he’d teach him out to skate someday. Apparently, they pushed that off without even realizing it. Maybe Hyunjin was too busy adoring the way Felix laughed, too busy kissing him for the first time the twelfth day of ninth grade. They never got around to it before Hyunjin left. Time’s weird like that. It doesn’t give a fuck about you. It doesn’t wait.

(Changbin also tells him he’ll teach him, but Hyunjin wonders if that’ll actually happen, or if he’ll have to say goodbye again before that happens. He also wonders if he’d be able to take saying goodbye again.)

“That sounds like a horrible idea, Binnie,” Jisung deadpans and before Hyunjin can register what Changbin said, he snorts and pushes himself off the edge anyway, sliding down the ramp. It looks terrible and painful because it’s not meant for Changbin’s damn ass, but he lets out a dumb whoop as he rolls to a stop at the bottom. He’s on his back, arms spread out, gazing up at the cloudy sky (unless he’s staring at them), laughing and telling them to try it too. Hyunjin agrees with Jisung though. He thinks it’s an absolutely horrible idea. Changbin’s jeans are probably chafed now and his elbow might be scraped too. It’s a horrible idea but the sliver of moon pushing out from behind the clouds sparkles off of Changbin’s pretty eyes. It’s a horrible idea but Hyunjin’s two breathy giggles away from giving in.

“I wanna kiss him.” It falls out of his mouth before he can stop it, the exhaustion loosening his weak self control, the infatuation breaking his filter. He becomes aware of Jisung staring at him, his mouth in an O shape, and his brain catches up with what he just said. “Wouldn’t mind making out with _anyone_ at this point,” he stumbles out. It’s true enough. He’s still a little sad and lonely and just wants to _feel_ a little less alone. But it’s also true that he wants to kiss Changbin specifically.

Jisung is still staring at him strange. “Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin swallows, mouth dry, suddenly hyper aware of everything. Like Jisung leaning closer to him. His lungs are definitely crumpling in on him. “Yeah, Ji?”

Jisung grabs his jaw gently, looking him in the eyes. (It feels like he’s staring him in the brain, sees down to his heart, his throat like a periscope.) He knows the words that are about to come out of his mouth because Jisung’s eyes are just centimeters away, and Jisung’s eyes have always been as expressive as any words could be. Hyunjin’s terrified.

“Can _I_ kiss you?”

Hyunjin knew that’s what he was going to ask, but his breath still catches inside his collapsing lungs. He nods anyway. Jisung’s fingers burn against his skin. 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin can already feel the hoarse whisper on his own lips even though Jisung is still a good two centimeters away.

“Yeah.” His voice cracks a little on the small word. “If that’s what you want.” 

“Why do you think I _asked_?” The last syllable gets caught between them because Hyunjin kisses him. He fucking kisses Han Jisung. 

It’s hesitant and delicate because somehow Hyunjin is leading, and Hyunjin is hesitant and delicate, and he’s so, so scared of fucking this up. It lasts for some of the longest two and a half seconds of his life before Jisung opens his mouth a little more and deepens the kiss, teeth almost clashing against each other, reminding Hyunjin how aggressively passionate Jisung can be because it carries over into his kissing.

Jisung’s tongue is glossing over the inside of his lower lip, but it doesn’t feel invasive. It feels almost like this is something that should’ve happened before. Something the universe has been trying to push into existence. Hyunjin didn’t realize he’s been somehow avoiding it, but now he regrets it.

_Changbin, Changbin, Changbin._

It keeps echoing around his head and he gasps away from Jisung’s mouth to look down at the foot of the ramp. Whether or not Changbin was staring at them earlier instead of the clouds, he’s definitely staring at them now. His face is mostly unreadable, but the look in his dark eyes is a little shocked, maybe a little enamoured, Hyunjin can’t tell. He’s scared of looking too deeply.

All three of them are a little stunned and they anxiously look around, unsure of what happens next. (What’s supposed to happen next in a situation like this? Does _anybody_ know?) Changbin shatters the silence with a raspy “Patrol comes around soon, we should go.” Hyunjin’s hand jumps off of where it’s still placed on Jisung’s thigh under Jisung’s hand, and before he can think better of it, he slides down the ramp the same way he told himself was dumb a million times. He _does_ scrape his hand and he hisses out a curse and tears sting his eyes momentarily. 

Changbin, sweet, attentive Changbin, crawls the small distance between them and holds Hyunjin’s hand in his own warm fingers. “You good, baby?”

“Y-Yeah. I think I’m good. Just burns a little.”

“Okay.” Changbin presses a soft kiss to his hand just to the right of the torn skin and gets to his feet, pulling Hyunjin up after him off the big “fuck the government, kiss boys” graffitied in english. The awkward tension breaks with that, because Changbin has become way too easy to be around. They meet Jisung at the gate (which is pointless because it’s locked and they’ll have to jump the fence again anyway, but maybe it was a grounding thought) and he visibly relaxes when he sees them holding hands.

 

•••••

 

They end up walking along the railroad tracks through the city, Changbin in the middle, holding both Hyunjin and Jisung’s hands as they balance on the rails. Nobody says anything but something about tonight still feels incomplete, and heading home right now seems wrong. 

Changbin and Jisung never labeled their relationship as anything, because labeling seems to make things more real, especially in the eyes of other people, and it feels just a little more fragile and breakable. That didn’t change when Hyunjin fell into them. If anything it became more apparent, because Hyunjin is almost scared of labeling things anymore. If someone asks if they’re dating, just like Hyunjin once did, they laugh it off. But correcting people who refer to them as boyfriends got repetitive and tiring and felt completely and entirely pointless. They don’t discuss why it’s so unnecessary and that’s okay. They’re okay with it for now. 

Jisung and Changbin became more and more physically affectionate the longer they knew Hyunjin, were already affectionate with each other, and Hyunjin never complained. He can be scared of initiating things, but he always reciprocates immediately. They hug and they cuddle and they kiss each other, but usually on necks and shoulders and hands and cheeks, just barely missing lips, and sometimes, especially when he’s drunk or high or tired enough, Hyunjin can’t help but wonder if a million little kisses everywhere are more intimate than one on the mouth in the long run. 

He’s _thought_ about actually kissing them, when Changbin is breathing smoke down his throat and Jisung is lazily staring at them with red rimmed eyes or it’s four am and they're entangled on Changbin’s couch watching some terrible romcom with Changbin’s lips against his ear and fingers playing with Jisung’s hair. He always panics before he does anything though.

He hasn’t seen Changbin kiss Jisung very much either. A couple times when they were drunk, a few more when they were high, and once when they were all completely sober and Changbin had been so happy about his poem getting accepted into a national writing contest that he’d kissed Jisung right in front of his mother. She didn’t even blink an eye. (Maybe Hyunjin would’ve gotten that kiss if he wasn’t standing on the other side of Jisung, he doesn’t know. He tries not to think about it.)

The storm clouds are almost entirely gone now. The muddled blue-black sky is starting to bleed into a lighter blue and a strip of white light and then a soft orange-shaded pink, and they’re walking into the dawn in between the buildings. He knows where they are (the industrial part of the city) even though he’s not sure they know where exactly they’re wandering, but the silence is warm and comfy compared to the morning chill.

Hyunjin glances at them for a moment too long, and would’ve slipped off the slick metal if Changbin’s grip hadn’t tightened on his hand. “Careful, baby.” Hyunjin just nods. Jisung complains about being sleepy and Changbin lets him climb onto his back. Hyunjin checks the time on his phone, and they decide to wait at the next bus stop and wait for the bus home.

Changbin and Jisung sit down on the bench, Jisung already half asleep against Changbin’s chest, and Hyunjin crosses the street with the excuse of throwing away the empty candy bag even though there’s a trash can next to the awning because he wants space to think. 

“Wait, he what?”

Hyunjin jumps at Changbin’s shrill voice breaking through the empty morning and spins around. Jisung waves his hand in a “give us a sec” gesture and Hyunjin wants to scream. 

He sits on the opposite curb for a little while, watching them talk, Jisung still curled into Changbin’s side, bloodshot eyes only occasionally squinting open to look up at Changbin. They’ve always been like that. They act like they don’t pay much attention to each other but if you spend any time with them, you realize that they always hang onto every word the other one says. 

The bus turns the corner down the street before Hyunjin can rejoin them, and Jisung gives Changbin a short kiss. They wait for him before getting on. Changbin holds Jisung’s hand inside his pocket and they sit down in the back, even though the bus is empty, Hyunjin at the window, Jisung on the aisle, and Changbin in between them.

The lighting is dingy and Jisung falls asleep against Changbin’s shoulder almost as soon as the bus pulls off again. Hyunjin is still trying to decide whether or not the silence between them is bearable, when Changbin says, “Sungie says you want to kiss me?” his voice soft as the fabric of his sweater against Hyunjin’s arm. If Hyunjin wasn’t so used to it, to leaning closer when Changbin’s voice drops nervously, shyly, the words probably would’ve slipped through the broken air-con vents over their heads, lost into the already smog-filled morning air outside.

“I mean…” He tries to laugh it off, but it’s just a squeaky giggle forced out of his suffocating throat. Changbin has the same look he did when he saw him kiss Jisung, his face mostly unreadable, but his eyes flashing with something despite the shadows cast by the dim lights. He’s closer now, could look into them better, but he just avoids that altogether by looking down at his brittle and chewed nails, cracks his knuckles. Changbin’s eyes are different from Jisung’s anyway. They’re a lot harder to read. 

He really doesn’t even want to respond. He almost wants to evaporate and slip through the vents himself instead. The situation feels so _fragile_ , and he doesn’t want to break anything. He doesn’t want to commit to anything, doesn’t want to lose anyone. But the simple word feels too big to stay in his mouth. It’s uncomfortable and he doesn’t want to try to swallow it down for the rest of his life; he’ll choke on it. “Yeah.”

“ _Oh_.” 

“Oh.” The word echoes in Hyunjin’s head as he looks up. He repeats it and he doesn’t know what it means.

They bus stops and Hyunjin wonders if this horrible conversation is going to end, and if it’s even terrible enough for that, but no one gets on and they haven’t stopped staring at each other. 

Hyunjin is suddenly glad Jisung fell asleep so quickly, because he can already feel him screaming at them to just kiss and get it over with inside his brain, but Hyunjin is too scared to make quick decisions like Jisung does. It’s something he’s always admired about him. His ability to take the risk of doing something once he’s made up his mind. He’s willing to lay things on the line quicker than Hyunjin can even move things _close_ to the line.

Changbin’s hand brushes through his hair, tugging out a few tangles from the wind, touches his ear, and Hyunjin freezes at the warmth soaking into his skin.

“You know I love you the same way I love Jisung, right?” His other hand drops down to Hyunjin’s lap, brushing against his fingers.

He wants to ask him what that means, wants to know _how_ he loves them, wants to know if any of them even really know, but, “Your hands are warm,” is all he can get out of his dumb mouth, because it feels like he’s being ignited. 

“Yeah.” Changbin tangles their fingers together. There’s a fuse inside him burning up. “And yours are cold.”

“Yeah.”

Changbin hesitantly pulls their hands up to his mouth and breathes against them warmly, before kissing his knuckles softly.

“Please, for the love of God but especially all three of us, just fucking kiss him, you pussy.” Hyunjin jumps because this time it’s not the little Jisung voice in his head but Jisung whisper yelling at them with his eyes still closed.

Before he can respond, Changbin pulls him closer with the hand still in his hair by his ear and his lips brush against Hyunjin’s nose before pressing against his jaw just underneath his lips. The kiss against the edge of his mouth is so gentle he barely registers it, except he feels like he’s going to combust when he hesitantly kisses him back. Every single one of Changbin’s movements are slow and careful, deliberate. His hand in Hyunjin’s hair threads tighter, and he hooks Hyunjin’s leg over his knee, pulling him closer.

And, god, Hyunjin feels like he’s about to explode when he pulls away only to kiss his cheekbone and lean their foreheads together. He has so many things he wants to say to him, to say to Jisung too, but the words keep getting stuck and it’s hard to focus when Changbin’s eyes are so close and he can feel his breath on his chin. 

“Shit, you’re really pretty.”

Hyunjin lets out a laugh. “Thank you?”

“I just feel like I don’t tell you that you’re pretty often enough.” His voice cracks on the word _pretty_ and his eyes sparkle and it just makes Hyunjin want to kiss him more.

“Well, you’re beautiful.” Hyunjin kisses him again before he can think otherwise, and he can feel Changbin smile against his lips. 

He kisses him again before leaning his head against Changbin’s shoulder, watching the grey morning rush by outside the slightly fogged window. There are a few people walking on the sidewalks, a few more unlocking doors to buildings, and a few more in the small cars passing the bus. When they pull into the next stop, there are four people waiting and Changbin pulls his chin up to kiss him one more time before closing his eyes and resting his head against Jisung’s. His hand stays on top of Hyunjin’s leg.

 

•••••

 

The bus lurches to a stop at the bench across the street from the convenience store and Hyunjin blinks his eyes a few times to shake himself from his half-asleep trance. He nudges Changbin’s shoulder and pokes Jisung’s cheek to wake them up and they get off. Hyunjin shivers and whether it’s because of the cold or because Jisung has moved on from clinging to Changbin to clinging to him and he’s breathing against his neck isn’t something Hyunjin is concerned with right now.

They cross the street as Minho comes out of the shop with Woojin’s arm around his shoulder, trying to argue with Woojin for picking him up again because it’s so early and he could’ve taken the bus. Woojin just nuzzles his nose against Minho’s hair and smiles, not bothered enough to defend himself. Minho waves at them and Hyunjin can’t wave back because Changbin is holding one hand and Jisung is still koalaed to his other arm, but he makes sure to give him a smile that says he’s feeling better as Changbin waves at them. Jisung yells, “I kissed Hyunjin! But also Changbin!” right before they turn the corner and Hyunjin starts laughing at the vaguely distressed but also satisfied look on Minho’s face. He’ll probably be getting capslocked texts in a few minutes. 

“Jisung, _please_. Please, keep your mouth closed sometimes. Especially at six in the morning,” Changbin whines and his face is turning pink.

Jisung ignores him. “You’re coming to Bin’s apartment, right?”

“Oh.” He says that like they’re not already almost at Changbin’s building. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Always has been, baby.”

Hyunjin kicks a pebble on the sidewalk with his shoe. “Okay… Was kinda hoping you’d offer anyway, because it’s a fucky time to try and sneak in because my dad might already be awake and would lose his shit if he caught me. This way they'll just leave for work without seeing me.”

Changbin just says a soft _okay_ and Jisung squeezes his hand. They get inside the building and take the elevator until it stalls at the fifth floor, and they very slowly and sleepily climb the last three flights to Changbin’s floor, practically dragging Jisung between them.

Changbin fumbles for the keys in Jisung’s sweater pocket. “You both better be fucking quiet because my mum doesn’t have work until noon today and she should stay asleep. If she wakes up, I rescind kisses.” 

“Bitch?”

“I just told you to shut up, Sungie baby!”

Jisung manages to hit three of the squeakiest floor boards on the way to Changbin’s room even though Changbin and Hyunjin have learned to completely avoid them. It leads to them whisper yelling at each other as Hyunjin throws himself onto the bed, shaking his head. Jisung flops himself on top of him as Changbin struggles out of his jeans, falling into the wall once when he loses his balance, and Jisung laughs at him.

Hyunjin can feel himself falling asleep as soon as they’ve settled under the blankets, and he feels safe and comfortable with both of them there. Exhaustion is fogging his mind again and he barely catches Jisung’s mumbled, “Hey…”

“Yeah, love?”

Jisung leans over Changbin to kiss Hyunjin’s eyebrow, probably just missing his forehead. “Just wanna make sure you know that I love you the same way I love Changbin too, Jinnie.” His voice sounds muffled from where he’s fallen back against Changbin’s shoulder but the words still make Hyunjin’s head spin and he thinks he sees stars in the dark. 

There’s silence for a long time, and he’s not sure if they’ve fallen asleep or not but he whispers, “I love you, too. Both of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> me, littering projection across the entire fic: ~therapy~
> 
> anyways this is dedicated to hannah bc she let me ramble abt it a lot n she helped me out when i was Stuck n i just want her to know that i appreciate her :( <3
> 
> i thrive off comments n kudos so leave some you cowards [puppy eyes]. you can also find me on twitter [@/soft3acha](https://twitter.com/soft3acha) and my cc is [@/_insomniaaa_](https://curiouscat.me/_insomniaaa_). i'm gay and lonely ! please come talk to me :/


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